Into the fire

I think one of the hardest decisions I have to make on a pretty regular basis is the decision to not give up. I am constantly tempted to throw in the towel, to settle for mediocrity, to do something easier than what I am currently doing. I was telling a close friend of mine how discouraged I was and that I needed to gain some confidence if I was going to excel any further. In all his wisdom he replied:

You can't excel at all if you quit.

He was right. If we just run away from our fears, we won't ever accomplish anything. If we give up now, we have no chance of winning in the end. Yes, there is a lot of competition in the world. There are so many things opposing us. It is often hard to believe that we have a chance of winning. But we can't just forfeit the game. We must face our foes and if we fight with all of our might, we will conquer. In one of my favorite musicals, The Scarlet Pimpernel, Percy sings a song that goes like this:

There will always be a valley Always mountains one must scale There will always be perilous waters Which someone must sail
Never hold back your step for a moment Never doubt that your courage will grow Hold your head even higher and into the fire we go
Are there mountains that surround us? Are there walls that block the way? Knock 'em down, strip 'em back boys And forward and into the fray
Someone has to face the valley Rush in! We have to rally and win boys When the world is saying not to By God, you know you've got to march on, boys Never hold back your step for a moment Look alive! Oh, your courage will grow Yes, it's higher and higher and into the fire we go Into fire! Onward, ho!

So on that note, Onward, ho!!!!!!!!
And that's what Jenny thinks.

Go the distance

Overwhelming does not even begin to describe this past week. Overwhelming in two ways - terrific and terrible. My new job as a Grounds Office intern is terrific. I love the people, the work, and everything about it. My friends are also terrific. What would I do without them? Going to the opera with my mom = terrific. Eating almost all sweets on friday, a little terrible but mostly terrific. The gospel is also terrific. But making decisions, not so terrific. A dive into self-consciousness, not so terrific. A breakdown in my voice lesson, terrible. Feeling a bit lost, terrible. Wanting to quit, terrible.

I am very lucky because I have great friends that lift me out of the terrible and into the terrific. Another thing that seem to take the crap out of my heart and fill it with hope are words - especially in the lyric or script form (aka music, movies, and books). Some lyrics popped into my head today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6v_gOmVJ4I
(For an even better recording, google "Vocal Spectrum, Go the Distance" = priceless)

I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...
I will search the world
I will face its harms
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms..

I'm not usually a fan of using a whole song, but it seemed perfectly fitting. Life is hard. But I know where I am right now is where I'm supposed to be. I just have to have faith that every mile will be worth my while. I can only look forward, choose the right, and never give up. Like a shooting star I can soar above the world and do great things. I can do hard things. I can go the distance.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Alumni

Finally. My music for the 30th Anniversary Salt Lake Children's Alumni Choir arrived in the mail today. I about cried just looking over the familiar texts and melodies. For those of you who don't know, I was in the Salt Lake Children's Choir for 6 great years. I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I believe I owe a lot of myself - my friends, personality, major, passion, etc - to that choir. I would now like to make an abbreviated list of what I learned in Salt Lake Children's Choir
I learned...

1- to love eccentric people
2- to appreciate all kinds of music
3- practicing really does make a difference
4- How to sing really, really fast notes in a healthy way
5- how to make friends when you weren't allowed to talk
6- how to avoid Mr. Woodward's glare of death
7- music is a language all of its own
8- that I loved speaking in music
9- that I loved unbelievable harmonies
10- musical greatness comes with a great cost
11- how to sing in tune
12- how to sight read and sing
13- how to sing extremely difficult harmonies
14- you can't make good music if you are lazy
15- music can lead you to meeting the coolest people
16- I am capable of accomplishing hard things
17- music is a form of testimony

and much, much, more. No one can completely understand how indebted I am to this choir. Mr. Woodward and my peers taught me so much. What I learned here is irreplaceable. I only wish I could've realized it when I was still in the choir. Now, I can only rely on memories, thank you letters, and this alumni choir to make up for my regretful feelings. I seriously cannot express how much I owe Mr. Woodward, the choir's director. I hope some day I can repay the world by teaching others the same way "Chip" Woodward taught me.

"And as the days go by I'll not forget to sing
Tho seasons change and flowers fade from view;

For when we meet again, 'twill be a day in spring;
And I'll stay and sing another song for you.
And I'll stay and sing another song for you."
-Ralph Woodward

Though life is constantly changing, I know one thing - I will never - EVER - forget to sing. And that is all thanks to you, Ralph Woodward and the Salt Lake Children's Choir.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Haircut

Haircuts. I hate them. As a girl with curly hair, haircuts are never a good thing. But I needed one, so I spent Saturday searching for a salon to give me a haircut. Unfortunately the usual master of my hair was booked on Saturday so I had to find an alternate route. The alternate route I picked was the Paul Mitchell school of beauty.

I was scared out of my mind. Perfectly experienced hairstylists have disasterfied my hair before, I couldn't imagine what a student would do with my curls. I was risking my reputation and my self-esteem for a cheap haircut. ;)

Although it took an hour longer than it should've, it was totally worth the experience. I loved observing David, a student, learn new things. I could tell he was nervous, as was I. But that didn't matter. I was able to witness a human being learn a new practice and succeed. It was a beautiful thing - not my hair, silly, the learning. I loved watching David intently observe his teacher and then tentatively follow instructions. I loved watching his face brighten each time he accomplished a new task. I loved how proud he was of my hair when he finished. I wondered how it felt to watch one of your creations walk out of the salon. I'm sure he wanted to stick a label in my hair that said "David cut and styled this." I'm not trying to brag, but that was seriously the look on his face.

I know I am rambling a lot. I am just trying to express how much I love watching people grasp a new concept and then successfully put it to work. Oh, the joy of learning. I love it.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Albert

So, I watched yet another chick flick this week - The Young Victoria. I loved it. I actually didn't watch the end due to unfortunate circumstances, but I loved what I saw and what I learned. I was thinking for a while about how I could write this post without sounding obsessed with romanticism or chick flicks. After a few, long minutes I realized that if I tried to avoid sounding like that, I wouldn't be true to myself. Yes, I am a girl, and I heart chick flicks. But this one in particular stuck with me for one main reason - Prince Albert.

Now you may think that Prince Albert, the Young Victoria's interest, is just like any other ideal man in any chick flick. But I am here to tell you, he is not. In previous posts, I have expressed my belief in the power of women. And as much as I love chick flicks, I don't believe they show women at their best. They often present women as being weak, helpless beings, when in reality, they are not. We truly are powerful creatures. That is why I instantly fell in love with this movie. Victoria had power, and she took it and she owned it. She didn't shy away or reluctantly hand her power over to someone else. She owned her power. And Prince Albert only assisted her in this endeavor. He didn't try to manipulate her. He didn't try to take it away. He only encouraged, loved, supported, and believed in her. He patiently waited until Victoria realized that in order to be the best Victoria, she needed him. She wasn't completely helpless without him, but she was even greater with him. Prince Albert only magnified Queen Victoria's strengths.

Even though, we scoff at the idea of movies becoming a reality, I think this is how life should be. I believe that whoever we choose to spend our life with should be a Prince Albert. Someone who completes us, who helps us reach what we can't reach on our own. Not someone who does our reaching for us. Here is a little bit from this beautiful, powerful film:

Victoria: Do you ever feel like a chess piece yourself? In a game being played against your will.
Albert: Do you?
Victoria: Constantly. I see them leaning in and moving me around the board.
Albert: Then you had better master the rules of the game until you play it better than they can.
Victoria: You don't recommend I find a husband to play it for me?
Albert: I should find one to play it with you, not for you.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

What's in your room?

So, it is the end of Winter semester down here at good ol' BYU. I have been kicked out of my old residence (Heritage Halls) and officially moved into my new apartment. I love my new apartment, by the way. There is infinite space for food, a large desk, and a roommate that wakes up before me. That means that I don't have to worry about how many times I press the snooze button. YES!

As I was unpacking my boxes of books, clothes, shoes, and junk, it was fun to find a place for everything. Naturally, I placed my clothes in the closet. My electronics found a place in a drawer underneath my bed. My toiletries safely made it into their own personal drawer in the bathroom, and my books are hanging out in a nice shelf next to my bed. Already, my desk drawer is cluttered with pens, pencils, and notes.

Mission: Organization, complete.

But with one glance at my blank walls told me that I wasn't finished. My desk and bed were covered with framed pictures, inspirational quotes, rubber duckies, and other memorabilia. What was I going to display on my wall? It may seem trivial, but it truly was a difficult decision for me. After much contemplation, rearranging, and shuffling around, I had completed my self portrait.
The pictures on my desk and around my room include pictures of my brothers, my parents, my home ward family, last year's yearbook staff, my harry potter team, and my closest friends. On one wall, I proudly hung my Gryffindor House Crest. Above my bed, I hung my recent fingerpainting masterpieces as well as Alli's beautiful cartoon version of me. I chose 5 rubberducks to bring with me and place on my shelf. Next to my computer sits a beautiful picture of Jesus Christ with the words "Be Not Afraid." Whatever I display on my shelves, walls, and desk is a representation of my personality, my values, my life. You can tell a lot about a person by examining their rooms, don't you think? What would you think of me by looking at my room I just described to you? Would you think I was religious? childish? messy? The things that hang on my walls, sit on my shelves and decorate my desk define me. Just like some people don't wear certain apparel because it is not "them" I would never choose to display something in my room that was not "me." My room is important. It is probably the best way to get to know me without actually talking to me or reading my journal. I feel like my room is the closest representation of my heart and soul.

So, after thinking about all of this, I wonder, What's in your room? What defines you?

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Instincts

Humans are born with the innate ability and desire to create. It is sad to realize that some people let their unique capabilities melt away as they sit in front of blazing screens, exercising their thumbs, and constantly filling their ears with noise. The amazing technology that floods our daily lives is overwhelming. Although technology can aide us in the creating process, it also proves to be a stumbling block. I often find myself glued to facebook when I could be practicing or writing - to forms of creation I thoroughly enjoy. These days, we are faced with a new decision - to create or not to create. That is the question. Like many other things, it seems easier to let everyone else do the creating and sit back, and enjoy the ride. But when we let our natural instincts take over, amazing things happen. I have witnessed the fruition of beautiful meals, inspiring art, passionate poetry, and graceful movement all in my very own cinder-block apartment. That is just my apartment. Can you imagine what the world has to offer? Everybody has something to bring to the table, and that is the true beauty of the world.

It is humbling to know that we are made after the image of the master creator, for He made all things well. Did you get that? He. Made. All. Things. Well. Therefore, we have the potential to make all things well. I recently watched The Dead Poets Society. The teacher says,

"The human race is filled with passion."

We are filled with the passion to create, to become, to discover. As humans, we are constantly striving to find our own life. Whether it be music, art, science, english, leadership, friendships, organization, athletics, food, fashion, ANYTHING. The possibilities are endless. So, in the words of the same teacher,

"The powerful play goes on and you make a tribute of verse. What will your verse be?"

Choose to fill your life. Don't leave this earth empty. Fulfill the measure of your creation.
And that's what Jenny thinks.