Blind

I've seen the movie, Blindside, three times now, and it never gets old. I enjoy it every time and learn something new at each viewing. This time the term "blindside" particularly stuck out to me. At the beginning of the movie, Leigh Anne describes the roll of the left tackle position in football.

"And the left tackle's job is to protect the quarterback from what he can't see coming.
To protect his blindside."

Now, I have so many blindsides it is unbelievable. I can't always see who's feelings I've affected. I can't always tell when I am singing incorrectly. and I can't always see the consequences of my decisions. But despite all of my blindsides, I know I have a faithful left tackle to protect me. In fact, I have many. I have a friend who protects me from discouragement. I have a friend who protects me from emotional constipation. I have a friend who protects me from sadness and makes me laugh. I have a teacher who protects me from demoralization. I have a mentor that protects me from disappointment. I have an adviser who protects me from perfectionism. I can put a unique face with each one of these descriptions, but truly, all I need is one face to encompass all of the protection I receive from a loving Heavenly Father.

Later in the movie, Leigh Anne says to Michael:

"You're going to take care of me, right?"
And Michael responds:
"I got your back."

I am so grateful that I can go to sleep every night knowing that someone has got my back. I thank God daily for the blessings of teachers, mentors, friends, and family.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

I am a Woman

I grew up with three older brothers. Therefore, being a girl didn't seem so cool to me. When I was younger, I consciously avoided mentioning anything to do with girls especially when my brothers were around. When on the playground, I always wanted to be one of the boys. As I was growing up, I don't think I felt a strong sense of girlness. I still tried to hide any evidence of girly habits. I was proud of the fact that I spent only 5 minutes getting ready each morning (in fact, I liked to mock those girls who spent more than 5 minutes). Once I hit my teens, I realized how far behind I was, but didn't really want to admit that I cared. I don't think I was very proud of becoming a woman. To me, becoming a woman meant caring a lot about how I presented my self, aka wearing jewelry, high heels, make-up, behaving gracefully, and not laughing at obnoxious boy-scout jokes. Why in the world would I want to grow up to be a woman if it meant doing those things?

To this day, I avoid high heels at all costs, I prefer not to wear jewelry (especially the sparkly kind), and I still find hilarity in the occasional boy-scout-like humor. The difference between then and now, is that I understand what womanhood is truly about. It isn't about heels, jewelry, and make up. Womanhood is about giving into our natural abilities and instincts to comfort, uplift, listen, and love.

After the BYU Women's Chorus concert this weekend, a friend told a girl in the choir,

"You women are so powerful."

And that was all he said. He couldn't have said anything truer. In our rehearsal after our concert, we spent the whole time exchanging experiences that our families and friends shared with us. And they also proved that we, women, not only touched audience-members with our musical prowess, but also with our calming spirits. It is so amazing to be a part of Women's Chorus - 180 women, united by a love for music and a love for each other. I am so proud to be to be a woman. I am a woman with an innate ability to love, care, believe, encourage, and uplift. I am a woman with divine powers. I am a woman.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Fortress - dedicated to Spencer

This blogpost is dedicated to Spencer Thomas Birth. He voiced his concern for my blog - I have neglected it for quite some time. To be honest, I was concerned as well. But, I'm back! Whether you like it or not.

So, in my American Christianity class last week, we randomly began discussing architecture and how each building has a message and a deeper meaning. We began to examine Latter-day Saint temples that we were familiar with. In particular, we looked at the deep architectural meaning of the Salt Lake temple. For those of you who don't know, the mormons endured trial after trial as they moved further and further West. They had to leave multiple homes and relocate after many instances of intense persecution. With that in mind, my professor asked us what the Salt Lake temple reminded us of. After a handful of responses, Professor Fluhman said something like this:

"Buildings don't just happen by accident. The Salt Lake temple is a castle, a fortress. It wasn't going to go anywhere. It says something when you build a castle. It was almost as if the saints were saying, 'We are Mormons. Hear us roar!'
"

This particular statement hit me. Especially as I began to develop this metaphor. In my church, we are taught that our bodies are temples. If our bodies are temples, then according to Professor Fluhman, no human being happens by accident. We all have a purpose here, we all have a statement to make, we all have something only we can do. We have the potential to build ourselves like a castle. But we have a choice. We can choose to be a wasteland of anger, misery, and sadness or we can choose to be a fortress of goodness, happiness, and righteousness. Each act of service, each time we refrain from gossip, each time we support a friend, we are fortifying our own personal castles. As our fortress of righteousness builds up, we have the power to combine against any trial that may come our way. Knowing that I am building my own fortress instills in me a power to keep fighting. I am a castle. I am a fortress. I am Jennifer Anne Marie McKay. Hear me roar!

And that's what Jenny thinks.

WALT

So this week, I made a really obvious connection in my mind that I hope you made a long time ago. If you haven't made this realization, I am glad to enlighten you, but saddened by the fact that you are not smarter than me.

Dream: 1- a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep; a visionary creation of the imagination
When you are asleep and dreaming, anything is possible. You can jump off a cliff and live, you can fly, the big bad wolf from red ridinghood can attack you, aliens can invade, or you can be a rockstar. Seriously, in our dreams, the word "impossible" is non-existent. And the best part about "impossible dreams is that they are so real. You are in the moment, experiencing the emotions, the fright, the exhilaration, or the heartbreak.

Dream: 2- a strongly desired goal or purpose
As I have been exploring myself and my options for the future, I have come to the realization that not only have I forgotten my dreams, but I have also forgotten how to dream. I will now rant about Disneyland: It is basically my favorite. My favorite part about Disneyland is the spirit- the spirit of anythings is possible, the magic of it all. This spirit is amplified exponentially in the "Remember, Dreams Come True" fireworks show featuring Julie Andrew's soothing voice. Within this show, Jiminy Cricket says this,

" I'll bet a lot of you folks don't believe that, about a wish coming true, do ya? Well I didn't either. You see the most fantastic, magical things can happen, and it all starts with a wish! You know, any wish is impossible. All it takes is a little courage to set it free."

I had lost the courage to wish, to reach for the stars, to DREAM BIG. I had focused so much on what was possible and forgotten that with courage and magic (my special kind of magic) anything is possible. This week, I have been filled with a renewed vigor to dream the impossible dream. The two definitions of "dream" do not need to be separated. I can make my fantastical, seemingly impossible dreams become a reality. My sleep dreams dwell on the verge of impossibility, and that is where I will place my real dreams. At this time, I choose to keep my dreams to myself, but someday, when they come true, and they will, I will let you know. I leave you with one last inspirational lyric,

"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish, I wish tonight.
We'll make a wish and do as dreamers do,
and all our wishes, will come true."

In a tribute to Walt Disney, a man who made his and millions of others' dreams come true let us all find courage within ourselves to wish upon a star that our wishes may come true.
And that's what Jenny thinks.

Radiance

Last night, I felt particularly nasty inside - not physically, just mentally and emotionally. I stayed up late with my roommates in hope to get this nasty, tied up feeling out of my insides. Although it helped, I knew I needed something more. So today, as I was waiting for sacrament meeting to start, I prayed that might be comforted. I wanted to live this week like nobody's business, and I couldn't do that if my heart and mind were both out to lunch. I of course experienced drastic results. First of all, I have never learned so much in sacrament meeting. And second of all, I have never been able to appreciate sacrament musical numbers as much as I did today(no offense). The second musical number specifically impressed my heart - "Be Still My Soul." Really, the only lyrics I needed to hear were

"Be Still."

Those two words vibrated up my spine, and through my heart, and through my brain, and then back down my spine. It was so obvious. I needed to be still. My complete being needed to be still - body, heart, and mind. You see, I worry. A lot. You could define me as a worry wart. I worry about what other people think, natural disasters, throwing up, my health, my friends, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. When I worry, my mind is a swirly mess of thoughts, and my heart becomes bogged down. The party going on inside of my body distracts me from the important things in life. And I just need to be still. This sounds selfish, but I realized that what I really needed to do was stop worrying so much about others and focus on myself. Let me explain. It's like what Dr. Seuss said:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

By focusing on being the best me ever, I get rid of all self-doubt, therefore I can be more self-reliant, and that way I can more readily serve others. Elder Robert D. Hales said:

"Only when we are self-reliant can we truly emulate the Savior in serving and blessing others."

Not only will I be more capable of serving others, but I will also be able to truly enjoy the life God gave me and all he created for me. In an e-mail from my Uncle, he said this:

" Sometimes I found in my own life that my own insecurities and self-doubts got in the way of pure, unadulterated enjoyment of the moment in which I was living.... It was often what stood between me and happiness."

This truly is a wonderful life. And I only have so much time. I can't afford to waste that time worrying or complaining or judging others. I need to fill it with rich, flavorful experiences. And that is what God taught me with those two words. Morgan Freeman said,

"Learning how to be still, to really be still and let life happen - that stillness becomes a radiance."

And that is my wish for myself and everyone else. That we may each become "a radiance." I pray that my soul may be still, that I might fill my life with colorful gratitude for God's beautiful creations - nature, people, music, experiences - that I might not be dulled by the grey and blacks of worry.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Cheerleading

It is amazing how one can be among a crowd of people, and yet feel still alone. I experienced this at the Welcome Back Dance tonight. Unfortunately, most of my friends attending the dance found a strange enjoyment in dancing in Sweat and Body Odor central. No joke. So I found myself roaming around, adding yet another medal to my collection of People Watching awards. As I wandered to and fro, I thought about who I could hang out with after the dance, and eliminated everyone except for my brother and sister-in-law. And then it hit me like a bucket of water. The sadness rushed over me in a quick wave. They weren't here anymore. They moved to Alabama a week ago. Some of my dearest friends I could always rely on were gone, at least physically. I felt alone. Let me make this clear - I wasn't depressed, or lost, or feeling bad for myself, I was just locked into my own head. Among all of those people, no one noticed the bucket of sadness that had recently been dumped on my head. But I knew everything would be okay.
I knew because of a hymn I sung recently. Hymn # 243 to be exact - Let Us All Press On, third verse

"If we do what's right we have no need to fear,
For the Lord, our helper, will ever be near;
In the days of trial his Saints he will cheer,
and prosper the cause of truth.
Fear not, though the enemy deride;
Courage, for the Lord is on our side.
We will heed not what the wicked may say,
but the Lord alone we will obey."

Isn't that great. Our Heavenly Father is cheering us on. He is always on our side. We are never alone. This hymn creates an image in my head of when my dad and brothers would chase me down the sidelines at my soccer games. They would follow right behind shouting encouraging words and giving quick advice. That is how I feel about my Heavenly Father and my brother, Jesus Christ. They are always there cheering me on. I can imagine their cheers "Defense" or "Let's go Jenny, Let's go!" or their applause whenever I accomplish something. Simple thoughts like these are what keep me going from trial to trial.

The best part is that we are sent wonderful people to cheer us on in place of him in times of need. Among my many motivators is my dear friend, Benjamin Ross Taylor. As I have watched him get ready to leave on his mission, I have realized what a great cheerleader he has been for me. He has always encouraged me and always leaves me feeling better than before. I will be forever grateful for his friendship. This is my minuscule tribute to him.

Although we often have the rude tendencies to mock our sports cheerleaders, we should realize that the hidden cheerleaders in our lives can make the most difference on a daily basis and deserve to be recognized.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

story time

Today was a wonderful day. I finished my homework, read the newspaper (New York Times to be exact), played me some music, exercised, and learned. Can you believe that? I am going to school and I actually learned something. Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t the lectures that taught me the most. I learned today that if you begin the day seeking to learn, you will. And on that note, let me tell you what I learned.

This quote was on the board in my choir class today:

“The limits you are living with right now, in every aspect of your existence, have been created by your mind. They are perceptions and they are holding you back. You are capable of far more than you think you are.”

I forgot to write down the author. Sorry. But that isn’t important. The important things are the words. I put limits around myself every day just by thinking “I can’t.” Those two simple words place skyscraping boundaries around everyone who says, feels, or thinks them. The only words strong enough to blow down these fences we create are “I know I can.” No little blue engine “I think I can’s” you have to know and believe the words “ I can.” Nothing instills faith in myself better than the knowledge that I know I am a daughter of God. I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and knows that I can. I am a divine daughter of God who can do all things. Period. And Nothing else matters. Nothing.

I know not everybody believes the same things I do, but despite that, you need to believe in yourself. Find something within yourself to hold onto. Your personal “I can.” If anything else, run these familiar lyrics through your head “No one to tell us no or where to go or say we’re only dreaming.” Believing in yourself is so important because you set your own limits. Truly, the only person capable of restricting your dreams from becoming realities is yourself. You have the power to write your own story. Whether you believe it is power from God, yourself, your leaders, your family, your friends, or anything. It is power.

In the movie, “August Rush”, Louis asks Lila, “What’s your story, Lila.”

And Lila responds. “I don’t know. I’m just me.”

I have the power to create my own story. And I am going to make sure that behind my name, there is one boundless, amazing story.

And that’s what Jenny thinks.