Scary Yellow Bricks

High expectations, busy-ness, disappointment, discouragement, aching toes, an empty stomach, enlightenment, fear, growth, very little sleep, love, embarrassing moments, re-dos and friendship.This weekend has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. What with late night rehearsals and work early in the morning, it's hard not to be emotional.

I underestimated how much I would learn in this opera experience. I overlooked the challenge. The height of my pride gave me the illusion that this experience would be a short, quick hop over the fence. In reality, I'm facing an opponent the size of the wall of China. The excitement of the moment often causes one to disregard the winding, long, looming road that indeed lies before the Emerald City. When I received this role, no one mentioned wicked witches, angry trees, or poppy fields (metaphorically speaking, of course). Thank goodness, I've got a brain, a heart, some nerve, and a whole lot of support. Understatement of the year- I have been humbled incredibly-there's definitely no place like home(or comfort zones for that matter).
Welp, I'm off to see the wizard. Here's to hoping he can help me rock the stage next week.


And that's what Jenny thinks.

Thoughts on Becoming Beatrice

It's hard to become someone else, when you don't know exactly who you are
Magic is like faith. It cannot exist in the presence of fear.
I(and Beatrice) need to get over ourselves
Some insecurities can be made up for in determination
Firsts are hard. Real hard.
You can find emotions you never knew existed.
Becoming Beatrice has been a long, hard journey. I don't want it to end.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Heaven

A wise woman once told me that music is the language of angels.

As I was singing in a practice room today, I caught a glimpse in the mirror. Of a young woman with a frizzy ponytail, a concentrated face lacking make-up, a t-shirt and some men's shorts. I stopped singing. Such a plain sight could not possibly produce such a beautiful sound. I sat there thinking for a bit - in awe of the image and the melodies I was witnessing. How could this girl in the mirror be speaking the language of heaven?

I'm first to admit that my voice isn't perfect. But, despite its imperfections, God chose to give me a voice. And for that I am eternally grateful. To feel heaven and angels flow in and out of you on a daily basis is a beautiful thing.

And that's what Jenny thinks

Things

I learn a lot. I want to blog about it. This week I've learned:
1- How good I'm not.
2- I can control myself when it comes to food
3- You are always happier when you are thinking of others
4- My friends are some of the best people in the world - and they really are all over the world at this point.
5- TV is a waste of my time
6- It's true. Eating healthier does make you feel better... in so many ways.
7- No challenge is to big for me to handle
8- I can do hard things
9- Filling out mission papers is tedious
10- I enjoy solving problems
11- I can become Beatrice.
12- Nothing replaces the smile you see when you give a sincere compliment. Same vice versa
13- etc, etc, etc

One last quote from Emily's blog that really hit me - "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same thing." Dang it.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

I keep thinking about people, so naturally I will continue to blog about them.

So, we go through life meeting people. When we first meet someone, we really have no idea what will become of that relationship.

For instance, when I casually met Sam in Fall 2009 we were both planning Preference dances and interacted very little. I never thought that a year and half later we would be sitting at Cafe Rio talking for almost 2 hours.

(Sam, I apologize for the picture. It just represents our relationship perfectly. Please forgive me. :) )

Around fifth grade, I started carpooling to Salt Lake Children's Choir with Elizabeth. 10 years later and we still keep in touch despite the large plot of land in between Provo and Philadelphia.

(Insert picture of me and Elizabeth here.)

It's amazing how God places people in my life and how he can wind two hearts together. Friendship is a miracle that astounds me daily. If you are reading this, I'm sure you have touched my heart. Thanks.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Kumbaya

I was sitting around the campfire with my family this weekend. I didn't realize how much I love the campfire and how much I miss my millcreek canyon.
But I also realized something else- campfires are riddled with memories.

Falling in the stream with friends at several family parties.
Youth conferences with my fellow Olympus 2nd ward stripling warriors.
Burning school papers the summer after Junior year with my graduated buddies.
Hours of signs and mafia at girls camp.
Getting to know the Madrigals for the first time.
Celebrating Harry Potter's birthday.
Backyard parties.
And more...

As I stared into the wild flames and shimmering coals, I remembered all of these moments. It seemed as though the fire had collected the love from these special moments and kept them for me to experience all over again. The feelings of deep belonging, happiness, and love returned to my heart as if they were all happening again-at the same time. Although it is sad that I have drifted from many of the people in the memories, I am so glad that I can keep them in my heart.

"When such a friend from us departs,
we hold forever in our hearts
a sweet and hallowed memory.
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to Thee."

Campfires are magical.
And that's what Jenny thinks.

It keeps going and going and going and going and going and.....

This is what I need right now. I just need to a breather, just a few seconds, to reflect on this year. Time won't stop slipping through my fingers. I just need a little break to think about the new creature I've become in the last 12 months of living. Because, as much as it surprises me to say this, I have become a new creature. My experiences this year have changed me in unbelievable ways. But the slippery nature of time prevents me from recognizing these changes. Ugh. More thoughts to come. At least I know one thing will never change - my love for Sunday walks.




















God should've made life with a pause button.

And that's what Jenny thinks.