7, 49, 1176, 70560

However you look it at, that's how long I have until I report to the MTC. weeks, days, hours, minutes. It's all the same. I was going to post it on facebook, but when I tried to do that, I threw up a little bit inside. Too real.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited. It's just still a little surreal. It's a bit like a good hamburger with all the goods on top. It tastes sooooo good. But in one bite there is just too much to swallow.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Who Woulda Thunk

Sometimes life takes you by surprise. Two years ago I never would've thought I'd be the person I am today. I never thought that:

my heart would melt whenever I listen to opera
52 days from now would mark the first day of my mission to California, Santa Rosa
I'd miss provo
I'd refer to myself and the collective BYU as "we"

"[Bilbo] used often to say there was only one Road; that it was like a great river: its springs were at every doorstep, and every path was its tributary. 'It's dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door, ' he used to say. 'You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.'"

Life's quite the adventure, isn't it?

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Sorting and struggling

Struggling for words, that is. My mind, my heart, my whole being is a bit all over the place - like the tazmanian devil. My heart longs to write what is going on, but it just isn't happening. I don't know whether I should write about fear, excitement, guilt, blessings? All of these feelings and more sit inside of me like giant, pukey mess. Forgive my graphic imaging. There doesn't seem to be anyway to sort out the pukey mess, so I might as well embrace it. Oops. Another gross visualization.

The solution isn't simple or even possible. But I can tell you some things that I think would tidy up this mess:

A walk with a friend
A drive with the windows rolled down, and me and someone else singing at the top of our longs.

Okay. So I went with the messy barf analogy. But now that about it, that holds bad connotations. I don't feel bad, just a little bit.... overwhelmed, nope not that.....ummm..... maybe foggy? Yes. Foggy. I'm a little fogged up. Nothing is clear except for a few, very important things. Let the other important things fall by the wayside. No big deal. Right?

And that's what Jenny thinks.

All my trust

Today was an answer to prayers. A productive day, filled with things to do, places to go, people to see. It was nice to visit campus again and feel at home - with a purpose and peers I recognized. It was nice to chat with a good friend who had nothing else to do but chat with me.

As I drove home, relishing in the goodness of the day, I listened to some awesome country music. Like this

Nothing better. I glanced a little to the left to see this.


I call them, "Joseph Smith Rays." Magical. I glanced in my mirrors and saw this.



A magical rainbow. They were both put there as a confirmation that things will get better and everything is alright. He is looking out for me.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Infancy

I wish I was a baby. When a baby is presented with something new, he/she has no fear of exploration and discovery.

In contrast, when I am presented with a new situation, fear wells up in my stomach, my mind races with self-conscious worries, and I begin to doubt everything I knew before.

Therefore, I wish I was a baby.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

This summer is just another chapter

I'm feeling a bit lost for words, and overwhelmed by teary emotions I approach the end of my summer. "My summer" because I owned this summer. So many firsts, so much learning, hard decisions, growth, changes, and, of course, a ridiculously large amount of partying.

I'm nearly brought to tears thinking about becoming Beatrice and weekly trips to Trafalooga. I can hardly stand the number of goodbyes I spent. My stomach flutters when I think of new relationships I formed and relationships the merely grew. Sadness drowns my heart when realize that the Villa is no longer "home." That my friends don't live next door. That there isn't Macey's icecream just down the street. That nothing will ever be the same.

Nothing will ever be the same.

That's a hard truth to swallow. And I find myself having to swallow it more and more every day. But I must swallow hard, digest, and move forward. I'm definitely not the same woman I was 3 months ago. I am stronger and smarter. I can face the world before me with new knowledge and insight. I can do this...

...but not without a few tears and quick glance back at the magical summer that brought me to this point.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

How to

How to tell when you are happy/living life to its fullest:

You don't have time to read from your humongous blog-list. And you don't care. You are much too content in your own life to try to enjoy another someone's life for even five minutes. All you care to do is relish in your own happiness and joy and then write about exactly that.

And that's what Jenny thinks.