Meant to be

A couple of weeks ago, we were on our way to a ward activity. We rolled all of the windows down on the freeway. As the wind flipped my hair and my eyes peered out at the beautiful landscapes, I felt God whisper, "This is my hug to you." It was one of those moments that was meant to be.

I felt his hug again this weekend - but it was more than just a minute. It was the whole wacky weekend.  Meant to be. I had several conversations that needed to be had. I spewed laughter that needed to be spewed. I made decisions that needed to be made. I realized things that needed to be realize. And I was the me I needed to be. 

In a nutshell, God was wrapping me up in all of my favorite things.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Mr. Mine

The other day, I was day dreaming in one of those awful hopeless romantic modes. I got to thinking about how I could ever be good enough for a certain someone.

So, I in that moment, I decided that I would start preparing for Mr. Mine. Whoever he is. That way, when I find him, I will be ready to be his Mrs. Mine.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

I'll be your stewardess for the evening.

The other day I was walking and thinking at the same time. It took a lot of concentration.
I was specifically thinking about the stewardship Heavenly Father has given to me.

Body

Spirit

Intellect

Friends

Family

Testimony

Conversion

Callings

Work

etc

I decided that God must trust me a lot. So it's about time I started to trust myself.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

inexhaustible magic

Dumbledore: "Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible form of magic."

Alma 31:5 - "An now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just - yea it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword [wand], or anything else, which had happened unto them - therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God.

Get it? Words are magic or the word of God is brings the spirit, which is the magic that can transform us and change our hearts. Therefore, the word of God = magic.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

7, 49, 1176, 70560

However you look it at, that's how long I have until I report to the MTC. weeks, days, hours, minutes. It's all the same. I was going to post it on facebook, but when I tried to do that, I threw up a little bit inside. Too real.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited. It's just still a little surreal. It's a bit like a good hamburger with all the goods on top. It tastes sooooo good. But in one bite there is just too much to swallow.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Who Woulda Thunk

Sometimes life takes you by surprise. Two years ago I never would've thought I'd be the person I am today. I never thought that:

my heart would melt whenever I listen to opera
52 days from now would mark the first day of my mission to California, Santa Rosa
I'd miss provo
I'd refer to myself and the collective BYU as "we"

"[Bilbo] used often to say there was only one Road; that it was like a great river: its springs were at every doorstep, and every path was its tributary. 'It's dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door, ' he used to say. 'You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.'"

Life's quite the adventure, isn't it?

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Sorting and struggling

Struggling for words, that is. My mind, my heart, my whole being is a bit all over the place - like the tazmanian devil. My heart longs to write what is going on, but it just isn't happening. I don't know whether I should write about fear, excitement, guilt, blessings? All of these feelings and more sit inside of me like giant, pukey mess. Forgive my graphic imaging. There doesn't seem to be anyway to sort out the pukey mess, so I might as well embrace it. Oops. Another gross visualization.

The solution isn't simple or even possible. But I can tell you some things that I think would tidy up this mess:

A walk with a friend
A drive with the windows rolled down, and me and someone else singing at the top of our longs.

Okay. So I went with the messy barf analogy. But now that about it, that holds bad connotations. I don't feel bad, just a little bit.... overwhelmed, nope not that.....ummm..... maybe foggy? Yes. Foggy. I'm a little fogged up. Nothing is clear except for a few, very important things. Let the other important things fall by the wayside. No big deal. Right?

And that's what Jenny thinks.

All my trust

Today was an answer to prayers. A productive day, filled with things to do, places to go, people to see. It was nice to visit campus again and feel at home - with a purpose and peers I recognized. It was nice to chat with a good friend who had nothing else to do but chat with me.

As I drove home, relishing in the goodness of the day, I listened to some awesome country music. Like this

Nothing better. I glanced a little to the left to see this.


I call them, "Joseph Smith Rays." Magical. I glanced in my mirrors and saw this.



A magical rainbow. They were both put there as a confirmation that things will get better and everything is alright. He is looking out for me.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Infancy

I wish I was a baby. When a baby is presented with something new, he/she has no fear of exploration and discovery.

In contrast, when I am presented with a new situation, fear wells up in my stomach, my mind races with self-conscious worries, and I begin to doubt everything I knew before.

Therefore, I wish I was a baby.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

This summer is just another chapter

I'm feeling a bit lost for words, and overwhelmed by teary emotions I approach the end of my summer. "My summer" because I owned this summer. So many firsts, so much learning, hard decisions, growth, changes, and, of course, a ridiculously large amount of partying.

I'm nearly brought to tears thinking about becoming Beatrice and weekly trips to Trafalooga. I can hardly stand the number of goodbyes I spent. My stomach flutters when I think of new relationships I formed and relationships the merely grew. Sadness drowns my heart when realize that the Villa is no longer "home." That my friends don't live next door. That there isn't Macey's icecream just down the street. That nothing will ever be the same.

Nothing will ever be the same.

That's a hard truth to swallow. And I find myself having to swallow it more and more every day. But I must swallow hard, digest, and move forward. I'm definitely not the same woman I was 3 months ago. I am stronger and smarter. I can face the world before me with new knowledge and insight. I can do this...

...but not without a few tears and quick glance back at the magical summer that brought me to this point.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

How to

How to tell when you are happy/living life to its fullest:

You don't have time to read from your humongous blog-list. And you don't care. You are much too content in your own life to try to enjoy another someone's life for even five minutes. All you care to do is relish in your own happiness and joy and then write about exactly that.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Somewhere more familiar

The other day, I was listening to my friend describe her road trip home to Ohio. As she was driving through Indiana, she began to cry. The surroundings and environment were so familiar to her that she felt like she was home, even though she wasn't. Yet.

As I was sitting there my brain was freaking out
*Attention. Attention. Life Metaphor. This is a Life Metaphor. Attention.*

While we are away from our Heavenly home, we often see and feel things that bring so much peace, and we wonder why. Well, I know why. It reminds us of home, heaven, our Heavenly Father.
Oceans, animals, music, friends, family, words - all of them are put here to remind us of a more familiar place. I can't wait to go home.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Road Map

Today, I had the fabulous opportunity to sing in a masterclass, where the master was Dolora Zajick. While she may not be the most endearing person, she definitely motivates you to become better. Within 12 minutes of working with me, she bluntly told me, "You are a self-protected person. You need to loosen up and let it all hang out."

I wanted to say, "Really?! How'd you guess?" with a very sarcastic tone in my voice. I think every teacher of mine has come to this conclusion in a similar, ridiculously short, amount of time.

Ms. Zajick was right. Yes, I am a very self-protected, self-conscious person. It comes with my horrible perfectionist mentality. I've known this for years, and now she knows. What she doesn't know is where I've been and how far I've come.

It got me thinking. Wouldn't it be nice if every time you met someone, they also handed you a road map of where they've been and where they are headed?

But then again, relationships wouldn't be necessary and getting to know someone would be superfluous. The mystery and discovery of the "relationship" process would be lost completely. But just thinking about this idea motivates me to find out more about who my friends really are. Where have you been? What makes you the person you are today? Think for a second or two.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Tag, you're it!

Do you remember when you were little and you would play tag? There was a home base, or just a "base" where no one could harm you. No one could touch you. Some kids wouldn't leave the base for fear of getting caught. But most kids were satisfied running around and coming home occasionally to catch their breath.

Last night, I caught my breath. I love all of my friends, and each helps me in an extraordinary way. But I will always have a home base - friends I can turn to, be safe with, and return to the world, running with renewed courage. It doesn't matter that we haven't seen each other in months or even years. And it especially doesn't matter when our lives change so much, you're not sure it will ever be the same. It's not the same, it's better, like cheese or wine (so I've heard).

Every day, I am left to wonder what I did to be blessed with so many wonderful friends. As Julie Andrews sings in the sound of music,
"I must have done something good."

And that's what Jenny thinks.

I remember days

How to make all of your days good:

Don't rely on the energy from the bag of cookie dough you just ate
Think ahead and charge your ipod (or a friends' ipod) before work
Don't let good friends make you eat bad things
Read your scriptures in the MORNING. (why must I always forget this one).
Sleep
Work hard
(Now, if only I could think about these things at the beginning of the day - not at the end)

And that's what Jenny thinks

Happen

I cannot believe the happenings of the last few months. I am overwhelmed by the new creature I have become. Opera, friends, mission call, temple, family vacation - a drink, blended and chopped together, that I partook, not knowing how it would affect every fiber of my being. Not only does the newness burn in my heart, but it also sparks in my fingers and toes.

My tongue yearns to taste the past months' experiences again. But the mind is wise and knows that one cannot look back. One must progress and combine new ingredients to make me into an even better individual.

I wish I could describe how becoming Beatrice, opening my mission call, or my renewed love for family affected me, but words will never suffice the spirit and happiness I feel inside. Giddy, content, full. My heart just doesn't know what to do with itself anymore.

If what they say is true, if progression truly does equal happiness, than I must move on. But I cannot and will not forget what I have learned and who I have become.
Onward ho!

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Thank Yur

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
Kathleen Kelly

Quirky perks

Costco sized bag of chocolate chips
No shower for 4 days.
Brushing teeth at the kitchen sink
Walks on the beach
Sand up the wazoo - literally and figuratively
phone calls to keep track of family plans every twenty minutes
going through 4 gallons of milk in 4 days
teasing 8-year-old nephew in the back seat and getting in trouble with his parents (my brother)
Unicornasaurus
Walking bare foot. Everywhere.
Twisted ankle, pounding headache, blistering sunburn, scraped knee
Very little to zero phone calls
etcetera
etcetera
etcetera
and much more to come.

This is what I call heaven
And that's what Jenny thinks.

I'm feeling beachy

I'm in Oceanside with all 17 of my family members. My parents rented out a condo on the beach and we were invited to enjoy the beach and eachothers company if we so desired. I've determined a few things about vacation. A good vacation must include:

1. Lots and lots of food
2. some planning
3. more food

On our first night away, we ate at a buffet in Las Vegas.
{My niece, Sophie, has been trained well by her mother, and she said some hilarious things when we were in Las Vegas. When a lady walked by in hardly any clothes she said, "Yucky!" As we walked by all of the slot machines she said, "Those are all of the money wasting machines, right mom?"} The first thing we did on our first full day at the beach - go to Costco of course. We may end up selling all of our leftover food before we leave.

Yesterday, we boogie-boarded, rolled in the sand, and I took a nap. It seems like as long as you are at the beach(or disneyland), everything else in life will be okay. For example, I don't mind the sand in my chips, because I'm at the beach.

And that's what Jenny thinks.

Self, Great Day!

I went to sleep last night with this feeling - a feeling that today was going to be great.
I was right

I woke up and within the hour someone texted me about the article I was featured in in the Daily Universe. My friend, Kimberly, thought I was interesting enough to be her "feature article" for her journalism class. Swell. When you are featured in an article, that's about how you feel. Swell. (You can read the article here)

Then I headed to work. My zune (microsoft's version of an ipod) decided it would be a good time to fail. Not a funny joke, but somehow I made it through work listening to my department's mediocre musical choices. But half way through my shift, I no longer cared that I wasn't listening to my own music. Apparently, I'm so good at working that they decided they wanted to hire me full time. Ironic, considering I've complained about some things recently, but nice, nonetheless. Besides, it's nice to feel appreciated every once in a while.

I watched a sweet episode of Ellen. She made me laugh and even forget the wonderful excitement that was ahead of me.

I warmed up, meditated, ate some food, and readied myself for my performance. I felt so prepared. And now I am left speechless at how happy and content I feel. The cast/crew members I work with are constantly lifting me up and tonight was no exception. Wow, words literally cannot express my happiness. Nothing is so satisfying as a job well done. And none of it is possible without my friends and family. I am constantly reminded that I am nothing. But luckily, we have loving Heavenly Father, and loving people that can make us so much more.

And that's what Jenny thinks.